After a mass violence event, you may think differently than before about yourself, other people, and the world as you try to make sense of what happened. While common, these thoughts can be overwhelming, make you feel more stressed, and may interfere with your ability to move through recovery. If you are struggling with stressful thoughts, it can be helpful to tackle them head on by challenging these thoughts.
Understanding and challenging stressful thoughts can make a big impact on how you feel. The goal of challenging your thoughts is to look at things from a different, potentially more realistic or helpful, perspective. Consider these questions when challenging your stressful thoughts:
- What would you tell a friend who had that same thought?
- Do I have evidence, or facts, that suggest that this thought is true? Is false?
- Are there other potential outcomes or possibilities that I'm not considering?
- Is this thought helpful?
Below, we present some examples of thoughts that mass violence survivors often experience and suggestions for how to challenge these thoughts.
Use Managing Trauma Reactions Worksheet to help guide you through challenging your own upsetting thoughts. You can download and print this worksheet, or feel free to use it as a guide to make your own worksheet.
It’s completely reasonable to have safety concerns after a violent event. Our brain can sometimes make us believe that a situation is more dangerous than it is. This can make you feel more afraid than necessary and be overly cautious in daily life. Examine the evidence you’ve collected throughout your life about how dangerous the world is and how capable you are of keeping yourself safe.
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Are there other potential outcomes or possibilities? Yes. Although I feel anxious right now, I know I am safe because I am at home with my family. My brain is telling me I am anxious because I am still recovering from a traumatic event, but I am not actually in danger.
It’s natural to want to take some responsibility for making sure violent events don’t happen again. However, some survivors may unjustly blame themselves for what happened or think they caused it somehow. The guilt and self-directed anger caused by these thoughts can be difficult to tolerate. When considering who was responsible for the event, it’s important to consider intent. The person with the intent to harm others deserves the blame because they knew their actions would harm others — and they did it anyway.
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Do I have evidence that I could have prevented this event? No. I had no way of knowing that a mass violence event was going to happen at the grocery store—there were no clues, and a grocery store is a very common place to visit and considered safe. Although it is normal to want to have prevented it, I know that there is nothing I could have done differently.
Mass violence can make you question whether you’ll find meaning and happiness in the future, especially if you experienced the death of a loved one. Sometimes these questions can cause feelings of hopelessness that make it difficult to move forward. It is normal to feel sadness following a mass violence event and/or the death of a loved one. However, with time and processing, these emotions tend to get smaller over time.
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What would you tell a friend who had this same thought? I would tell my friend that there are still many things to look forward to in the future, such a [insert examples from your life]. I would help them make a list of things that make them happy and things to look forward to, even small things [do this for yourself—make a list]. I would remind them that one way to honor themselves, and/or the person that died, is to slowly start to work on living a full and meaningful life again.
Questions about fairness often arise after mass violence, with many people asking “why me/them?” and “what did I/they do to deserve this?” Thoughts related to fairness following a mass violence event are very common. However, these thoughts often cause confusion and anger. No one is deserving of mass violence, and these events unfortunately happen to innocent people. People choose to deal with thoughts about injustice in different ways. Some people choose to get involved in the justice process. Others gently let go of thoughts of injustice as they focus on helping themselves and others in their recovery.
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Is this thought helpful? Although my anger and confusion are warranted, these emotions are not helpful. They do not make me feel better or help me progress in my recovery. Instead of focusing on my anger, I am going to start researching ways to get involved in mass violence justice programs in my area. The first step to doing this is [insert a small first step you can take towards your goal].
Mass violence is a major violation of trust. People generally trust that others will not harm them, and in almost all cases, this social expectation is upheld. As you work to reestablish trust, remind yourself of family, friends, colleagues, and other community members that you can trust and the ways that they have demonstrated their trustworthiness in the past. Start small and allow yourself to gradually reestablish trust with others. As you accumulate new experiences with trustworthy individuals, these will add to the evidence suggesting that you are safe with, and can trust, most people.
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Do I have evidence that I cannot trust anyone? No, I do not have evidence that I cannot trust anyone. Although my trust has been violated, I know that I can trust my coworker Rachel, my sister Melissa, and my friend Robert [insert individuals from your life that you can trust]. These people are direct evidence against this thought.
The sudden and traumatic nature of mass violence causes a major stress reaction that is often paired with strong emotions such as sadness, fear, worry, and anger. In the weeks that follow, your emotions may come up in unexpected ways and feel like they are out of control. Although uncomfortable, strong emotions following mass violence are common. It will take some time for your body and mind to heal and that is normal.
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Is this thought helpful? No, it is not helpful to think that I have no control over my emotions. I am healing and this process takes time. There are several things that I can do to take back control of my emotions more quickly, such as practicing the strategies in the “Trauma Reactions” and “Health and Wellness” sections.
Instead of avoidance, we recommend facing stressful places, people, or situations one small step at a time. Facing difficult reminders will help you to reduce distress linked with the mass violence event and resume living a meaningful life full of activities. At first this can be difficult, but it will get easier with practice and time.
For example, if you have been avoiding going to the grocery store alone at night, you could take small steps to reduce this avoidance.
Step 1. Go to the grocery store during the day with someone
Step 2. Go to the grocery store during the day and have someone wait in the car
Step 3. Go to the grocery store during the day alone
Step 4. Go to the grocery store at night with someone
Step 5. Go to the grocery store at night and have someone wait in the car
Step 6. Go to the grocery store at night alone.
In this example, notice how the survivor started with an easier activity and then moved on to more difficult activities. Take your time and be patient with yourself. Try this on your own and see if you can start re-engaging in the activities you did before the mass violence event occurred. If you need additional help, download the NMVC Transcend app (
and 
), or visit the Get Help/Resources section to get connected with a professional who can provide additional guidance.
or visit the Get Help/Resources section to get connected with a professional who can provide additional guidance.
Following a mass violence event, your body and brain may have difficulty “shutting off.” Although normal at first, prolonged periods of being on “high alert” can make you feel tense, worried, and irritable. You may also begin to experience symptoms of panic or anxiety attacks, such as a racing heart, having difficulty breathing, or problems with concentration.
Watch this video below to learn more about how panic attacks are common and not dangerous.
Unfortunately, nightmares can be a common experience following a traumatic event. Nightmares are a normal part of recovery and mean that our brain and body are trying to process and make sense of a frightening event. As time moves on, nightmares should decrease on their own. Here are a few suggestions to help manage nightmares following a mass violence event:
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Improve Sleep Habits. Improving your general sleep routine and habits will help nightmares. See the Personal Health and Wellness section for this information.
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Relaxation Before Bed. Incorporate relaxation into your bedtime routine. For example, take a relaxing shower, do a 5-minute deep breathing exercise, or read an enjoyable book. See the Personal Health and Wellness section for this information.
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Don’t Avoid Sleep. Just like avoidance during the day, trying to avoid falling asleep will likely make nightmares worse. Instead, set up a good sleep schedule, stick to it, and try relaxation before bed if you are worried about nightmares.
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Imagery Rehearsal Therapy (IRT). IRT is an evidence-based treatment for nightmares. Although this treatment is typically done under the supervision of a licensed therapist, you can try the principles of this treatment on your own. Here is how:
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Write out a new description of your nightmare while incorporating this new, less frightening, ending.
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Change the ending of the nightmare. Write out a new description of your nightmare while incorporating this new ending.
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Each day rehearse your updated nightmare—read it aloud, read it in your head, paint a mental picture, and vividly imagine the updated nightmare.
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Sleep and Substance Use. Following a trauma event, such as a mass violence event, sleep can often get worse. You may find it difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep. Sometimes survivors think that alcohol, or other substances, will help them to sleep better. However, these substances actually make sleep worse due to how they are processed in your body. Avoid using alcohol and other substances, outside of medications prescribed by your doctor, to help you get better sleep. Instead, use the coping tips outline in this section, and if you feel like you still need help with your sleep, visit the Get Help/Resources section to find a therapist.
Following mass violence, certain days of the year can be especially difficult, such as holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. Please know that it is normal for these days to feel more difficult than others. Feeling strong emotions on holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries that remind you of the mass violence event, or someone that died during a mass violence event, does not mean that you are not recovering. Use the tips highlighted in this section to help you manage the emotions associated with these days. In addition, here are a few additional tips that other survivors have found helpful.
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Plan for the day and acknowledge it. Don’t ignore an important day, such as the birthday of a loved one who has died. Instead, acknowledge the day and make a plan for how you are going to cope with it.
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Honor your experience and/or your loved one. Some survivors find it helpful to do something to honor their experience or their loved one that died. For example, plan a dinner with family to commemorate and celebrate your loved one.
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Do something different. Try a new activity or try to incorporate a new tradition in the place of an old one.
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Remember to use your support system! Lean on the friends and family in your life. They can help you in practical ways, such as helping to wrap Christmas gifts, or in the way of emotional support, such as keeping you company on a deceased loved one’s birthday.
In addition, if you would like more information and tips on how to manage difficult days, such as holidays, please review this tip sheet.
For more information and tips on how to manage trauma-related cues, review this tip sheet.
If none of these activities or techniques seem to help, consider seeking professional help. Finding a provider who is trained in evidence-based trauma and grief counseling is important. Please visit the Get Help/Resources section to find a therapist near you.