During a mass violence event, a person’s control over their life is suddenly in someone else’s hands. During the chaos, people often feel trapped, vulnerable, helpless, and disoriented – they don’t know if they will be safe or if they might die. When someone is hurt or killed, witnesses often feel a terrible sense of helplessness and guilt that they could not protect others. If any of this happened to you, you may question the actions you did or did not take, or wonder why you survived and someone else did not.
 
You may also have surprised yourself with the courage, strength, or compassion that you showed during the crisis and in the weeks and months after. You are not completely helpless and are responding the best way you know how to survive.  Recovery may be slow and difficult. You may need to make a conscious effort to remind yourself of your strengths and reclaim your sense of personal power and confidence. Be persistent.

In the weeks or months after, you may feel frustrated by paperwork or the slowness of agencies meant to help. You may not get the right information about victim compensation programs or how the criminal justice system works. It may be hard to find the therapy support you need to heal. Low mood, feeling tired, or difficulty with focus, memory, and planning can shake your confidence. Even simple tasks can be a challenge. Feeling powerless at times is normal.

You can restore your confidence with time and deliberate efforts to recover.

Remember:   

• Your ability to focus on tasks or remember important information takes time to recover.  Organize your thoughts and memory with lists, sticky notes, and reminders on your phone. 
• Motivation for even small activities may be low. Take small steps every day to put your life back together. Small actions add up. 
• What to do next may be unclear.  Keep making decisions anyway.
• A strong wave of feeling can be frightening if it seems it may never end or may go out of control.      
• Intense emotions do not go away as fast as you might want.  You may not be able to “control” feelings, but you can learn to ride them out with breathing exercises and mindfulness. 
• Write about any feelings of helplessness or uncertainty to better understand the impact of the trauma. Then write about times you overcame adversity, took strong steps to improve a situation or endured difficult times. 
• Give yourself time to recover. Take rest days as needed. 

• Help organize your thoughts and memory with lists, sticky notes and reminders on your phone 

• Take small steps every day to put your life back together. Small actions add up. 

• Give yourself time to recover. Intense emotions do not go away as fast as you might want.  You may not be able to “control” a feeling, but you can learn to ride them out with breathing exercises and mindfulness.

• Write about any feelings of helplessness or uncertainty to better understand the impact of the trauma. Then write about times you overcame adversity, took strong steps to improve a situation, or endured difficult times.  

• Others may be helpful, but your way to cope with the effects of violence is unique to you.  

• Your timetable for recovery is yours. No need to judge how long it takes. 

• You are the real expert in your own life and circumstances.  

• You know what you need in terms of support.  

• You know what helps and what hurts and what is best for you. 

• You decide if or when to take advantage of suggestions and resources that others offer.

• Plan your down time. Honor the need for privacy or quiet rest times.

• Create a safe and secure retreat where you can relax. This could be wherever you feel safe. Maybe it’s just a favorite chair where you can wrap up in a cozy blanket. No matter how small, you need a spot that lets you feel, “I’m ok.” 

• Do you need a trusted person nearby? Can you lock doors? 

• Identify people who help you feel safe. Ask if you can call them if you are feeling scared.  

• Imagine a special safe space inside.  Recall a happy time or visualize a place where you can imagine feeling safe. Do you have a vacation spot, a place you would love to go one day or a spiritual image that means safety? Describe the image in such detail that you can feel yourself there. 

• Learn the difference between actual danger and a thought that worries. Instead of asking, “What if there is danger?” ask yourself, “Am I safe right now?” Pay attention to what is actually going on in the present moment. 

• Identify what you may be avoiding because you do not feel safe. Slowly begin to do everyday things even if you do not feel 100% safe. Learn more about how to Avoid Avoidance.

• Build up your ability to bear intense emotion by learning grounding techniques for managing distress.

• Practice focus with mindfulness and meditation practice here.

• Start with small decisions such as what you will do each day, what to wear, when to go to sleep, who you want to talk to, and what household tasks need to be done.  

• Focus on what you can control, not what is out of your control.

• Work up to bigger and more important decisions. 

• Explore options and take your time deciding. 

• Ask yourself, “What do I really want to happen here?” 

• Trust the answers that you hear.

• Let people support you, without letting them tell you what to do.  

• The right to apply for crime victim compensation for medical or other costs.

• The right to an advocate such as a Victim Service Provider. 

• The right to be included and informed about criminal justice proceedings. 

• The right to speak at criminal justice proceedings. 

• The right to be treated with respect, dignity, and fairness, including privacy and protection from intimidation and harassment. 

• The right to have culturally-sensitive advocates and translation services as needed.   

• You do not have to answer questions from curious people.  

• You have the right to say, “I’d rather not talk about it right now, thanks.”  

• If you do decide to share with family and friends, your story may be upsetting for them, especially if they are close to you. You can ask if they are willing to hear what it was like or how it is affecting you. 

• You may want to share your story with other survivors in peer support groups instead. 

• Write down what it is you want to say.  

• What is the purpose?  

• What aspects will you focus on? 

• What questions are off limits?

• Know that your help matters to others, at home, and in your community.  

• Start helping others in small ways at home, in the family, and by doing favors for friends. 

• Have informal conversations one-on-one with family and friends to educate them about what happened or how to help in the future.

• As you feel stronger, offer to help out in a larger circle. 

• You can gradually take on more activities as your confidence grows, such as helping out with your social or faith community, your friendship network, or extended family.  

• Start by helping in familiar settings within your existing network, neighborhood or faith community. 

• In addition to joining a new organization specifically for victims, work with other community groups such as religious institutions, community organizations, neighborhood, and parent groups, and other formal and informal organizations where you already have connections.

• Identify and ask for help on a project from local leaders or organization that may support you. 

• Enjoy visits with friends, card or video games, sports, community gardening, and other informal events. This builds community and resilience.

• Volunteer, participate in group activities, or create activities that bring families together. 

• Do public speaking, participate in educational events, make art, or write your story and share with others.

• Ensure that planned activities include all members of the community who were affected by mass violence.  

 

Are you ready to help other victims and survivors? 

• Attend a vigil or organize a small group of friends to go together. 

• Visit the memorial site or offer to help plan a memorial. 

• Offer to distribute or design flyers, help plan commemorations or activities not involving direct victim contact.  

• Participate in service clubs organized around a particular mission.  

• Serve on a memorial committee, circulate petitions, post to social media, write a letter to the editor, and/or write to your elected officials.

• Read your story at an open microphone event or public forum.

• Connect with victims’ advocacy or healing groups.

• Identify local leaders or organization that may support you. 

• Volunteer for peer support when you feel ready.

• Search for and connect with Resilience Centers in other mass violence locations to learn how they are building community. Many have web sites with ideas. 

• It takes longer than you think to change attitudes or to convince officials or legislators to do something. Trust that you make a difference and keep working.  

• The highly charged topic of mass violence draws ”trolls” and irrational people as well as people wanting to politicize the event around mental health, gun rights, law and order or other issues.  

• It can be challenging to stick to your own message and not get distracted by other issues.  

• If you are asked to participate in a public meeting or forum, get tips on how to prepare here. Strategic Story Telling

• Here are tips on talking to the media.

• Here is a list of important things to consider if you want to talk with the news media

• You may get overextended, tired, frustrated, or find yourself overwhelmed by too many reminders. Keep track of how you feel and cut back. Talk with your own support network or counselor.

 

The Rewards  

• You may meet others who have similar experiences, values and purpose.  

• You may be able to give hope to others as well as yourself.   

• Real change can happen for individuals, laws and institutions. Due to the efforts of thousands of people over the course of fifty years, major changes have occurred in the nation’s response to victims. Federal laws include the Victims of Crime Act (VOCA) and the Crime Victim’s Rights Act of 2004. Every state now has laws to protect victims. Your local community may have volunteer-run agencies that could use your help.