Peer support can be a life-giving source of hope for survivors of mass violence. When you go through something as traumatic as a violent event, it can be really helpful to talk to others who have been through similar experiences. They can understand your feelings and reactions in a way that others might not. It can be a special kind of friendship that brings comfort, compassion, and hope.
Sometimes, the support you may get from friends, family, or coworkers is loving and caring but may not be all that you need. People who have never witnessed or suffered from extreme trauma may not really understand what you’re going through. It can be tough when a family member gets too upset to really listen or when a friend says something insensitive. Even a therapist may not fully understand. Feeling misunderstood or that nobody really “gets it” can make you feel even more alone.
That’s where peer support comes in. It fills those gaps and offers a special kind of understanding. Only someone who has lived through a similar experience can truly say, “I know how you feel.”
Some survivors find healing by helping others who have been through similar trauma. They reach out to victims in other communities, fight for better laws against crime, or speak at public events. But many survivors help quietly, out of the spotlight, among family, friends, or faith community.
“Sometimes we need someone to be there with us not to fix the problem, not to offer advice, not to do anything in particular-to simply be present with what we’re feeling, to show up and acknowledge what we’re going through and hold a supportive, safe space for us to be with what’s showing up for us.” author unknown
Peer support happens when people help each other by sharing information, experiences, emotions and practical help. It can be as easy as making a phone call to check on someone, lending an ear to listen, organizing a group hangout, or comforting each other at a memorial event. Online forums organized by volunteer peers are other forms of peer support.
Peer support comes from people who have gone through similar tragedies. They understand what it’s like to experience loss, violence, or terror. They have valuable knowledge and wisdom about recovery, based on their own experiences, offering practical or spiritual perspectives. They can share stories of how they recovered, self-care strategies, dealing with paperwork, finding the right therapist, and provide information on resources, events, and news. Peers empower each other to solve their own problem and serve as role models. They create a safe space to discuss personal issues, and may help reduce anxiety and improve self-esteem. Peers are on an equal basis, different from that of a professional who may be less accessible.
What defines a “peer”?
A peer could be someone who:
- Witnessed the incident
- Survived a similar experience in the past
- Sustained similar injuries
- Saw someone die or lost a loved one due to violence
- Lived through a terrifying situation
A peer could also be someone who:
- Shares a similar age, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or family background
- Has a similar political, religious, educational or work background
Ultimately, a peer is someone with who you have an equal relationship of trust and understanding, and with whom you feel a genuine connection, regardless of their similarities to you.
- You may feel less alone and have a sense of group belonging and connectedness.
- These friendship can help increase confidence and self-esteem.
- Hearing others' stories can validate your own experience.
- Sharing your story can help you understand and find your voice about how you were affected by the violence, how you are coping and what is your best path to recovery.
- Hearing success stories from peers who have made progress can inspire you and give you hope for your own future and belief in the possibility of positive change.
- In talking with peers, you can learn about valuable strategies to help overcome the challenges of finding mental health resources or a therapist, or dealing with paperwork related to your health.
- You may become more willing to seek professional help if others report being helped.
- You may regain a sense of purpose and value by providing mutual support for each other.
While the benefits of peer-to-peer support generally outweigh the risks, it’s important to consider these potential downsides.
- Individuals, groups and networks are so diverse and there is no guarantee that they will be qualified to help or share the same values.
- Just because someone has been through a similar life experience doesn’t necessarily mean you will “click with” them or find their support helpful.
- Peer volunteers may still be dealing with their own trauma reactions which can impact their ability to effectively listen to and counsel others.
- Hearing the stories of other survivors may actually add to your distress. The focus should be primarily on the recovery process, rather than dwelling on what happened at the traumatic event.
- What works for them may not work for you. Each person’s healing journey is unique.
- A peer volunteer may not be adequately trained in counseling and may offer misleading information. This can be problematic if you rely solely on their input.
- Lastly, on-line forums may be crashed by people who may leave hurtful or threatening comments, creating an unsafe environment.
Considering these drawbacks, some survivors prefer individual or professional support rather relying solely on peer group options.
Peer support can be found in various ways. Some people may not enjoy structured group meetings or find chat rooms useful, but they may thrive in support groups tailored to their specific needs. Others prefer to engage in casual conversations in a hobby group, exercise class or games.
There are many ways for you and other survivors to connect with peers:
- Spontaneous gatherings: You can gather at funerals, memorials, or other community events. Having conversations and finding solace in the presence of friends, family and sympathetic strangers can help initiate the recovery process.
- Informal meetings: You can meet at homes or other small gatherings to console one another, plan commemoration events, organize small personal activities or even travel back together to the scene to support each other’s recovery.
- Online peer support: Creating a closed survivor community on social media platforms like Facebook, X(Twitter), or YouTube can be empowering. Sharing helpful experiences and seeking advice from others who have gone through similar experiences can reduce isolation. Some examples of Facebook pages include Route 91 Survivors, Survivors Empowered, and Everytown for Gun Safety.
- Specific support groups: Forming groups for bereaved parents, siblings those recovering from injuries or the affected community at large can provide specialized support.
- Closed discussions with employment groups: Creating closed groups for law enforcement, firefighters, EMTs, or recovery crews, allows for more direct support from coworkers. Many workers do not want to share their experiences with family members who may become distressed on behalf of their loved one.
- Collaborate with local agencies or resilience centers: You can connect with these organizations to sponsor social, wellness, or physical activities to bring people together for enjoyment.
Local officials or agencies can provide support in the following ways:
- Organize candlelight vigils or remembrance events: These events create formal and informal settings where peer victims, survivors, and their families can share information and concerns. Include activities that encourage personal interactions.
- Facilitate one-on-one connections: Agencies can help establish connections between peer support volunteers and survivors who share a similar history, allowing for meaningful personal support.
- Maintain an online presence: Local officials can maintain websites, Facebook pages, or X(Twitter) accounts to keep the community informed about related events, online programs, and support meet-ups. Although less personal, these platforms help survivors feel connected and aware of available help.
- Establish funds for financial assistance: Officials can establish funds to provide essential financial assistance to those in need.
Support can also come from afar:
- Cards and letters: Survivors may receive cards and letters from all over the country or the world, offering messages of support and hope.
- Messages and visits from other mass violence victims: Individuals who have experienced similar events can provide a unique understanding of the experience and offer hope for rebuilding life. Outreach from individuals, congregations, or communities that have faced similar events can share comfort, support, and lessons learned through notes, artwork, phone calls, delegations, and personal messages.
Here are just a fraction of the numerous survivors offering hope and understanding to other victims:
- Parents of Newtown sending messages to newly bereaved parents in Texas.
- Survivors from the AME shooting in Charleston visiting members of the Jewish synagogue in Pittsburgh.
- The parents of a daughter killed in the Aurora movie theater traveling to support victims across the country.
- Principals from school shootings reaching out to other school officials to share strategies on reducing the impact of these traumas on teachers and administrators.
- Survivors and members of the Pulse community sending Stars of Hope with messages of encouragement.
National online peer support:
The Disaster Distress Helpline (DDH) of SAMHSA has made a private group on Facebook called Survivors of Mass Violence. It has over a thousand members.
The goal of the group is to offer emotional support to each other. They talk about how to handle reminders and memorials, take care of themselves and deal with everyday challenges. Trained Peer Supporters from the helpline are there to listen to members, give them validation and encouragement. They also make sure conversations in the group stay respectful and meaningful. They share helpful resources when needed.
The group is monitored 24/7 by a special crisis center. If any member is feeling really upset and needs immediate help, they can talk to crisis counselors through the Facebook Messenger chat.
If you have more questions, keep reading for some frequently asked questions about the group.
Tuesday’s Children is a charitable organization that was established after the tragic events of 9/11. Its main purpose is to offer ongoing assistance to families who have been impacted by acts of terrorism, military conflicts, or large-scale violence. This online community provides various resources, including special topic discussions and a monthly support group led by peers to help adults tackle the difficulties they face in everyday life. These challenges may include managing relationships, building careers, navigating the journey of parenthood, transitioning into adult responsibilities, and coping with feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness.
Find Local Peer Support
To find support in your community, reach out to the Victim Services Professional who works with your local Law Enforcement. They can provide you with valuable information and resources about local peer support groups or services. Additionally, you can visit your local mental health center to discover activities and programs available in your area.
Before offering help to other survivors of mass violence, take a look at this checklist to get some basic information and learn about necessary training. You can also find ways to connect with individuals who are offering support to their peers in the process of recovery. It is crucial that you have made significant progress in your own recovery before you decide to help others.
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Do you have symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder, such as nightmares, avoidance of places or people, difficulty having conversations about a tragedy, or physical reactions, such as anxiety or prolonged sadness? If so, it is advised to seek or continue counseling until your recovery is more complete.
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Are you taking good care of yourself in preparation for this work?
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Do you have your own counselor, supervisor or peer support?
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Do you take time for renewal activities and recreation? Do you look for positive activities to counteract sorrow and allow yourself to be happy?
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Are you clear about why and how much you want to volunteer?
Can you...
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Offer hope, empathy and a particular kind of understanding?
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Provide a sense of connection and the knowledge that others are not alone?
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Just be there; not make demands, and not even ask what you can do?
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Give practical information?
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Be non-judgmental about choices another survivor makes?
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Some of the many benefits to serving others include: adding purpose and meaning to your life and loss; connecting with other like-minded people; getting your own peer support as a volunteer; experiencing post-traumatic growth
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Some of the risks are: hearing details of their trauma may reactivate your own trauma; you may become overextended in your willingness to help; volunteering too much may take the place of other forms of your healing or building a new life
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Have you been asked to help? Have you asked if they want support? Victims and survivors are often overwhelmed with offers of help. The first line of support is often friends and family. Offers of help too soon can feel intrusive.
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Can you keep from making assumptions about them based on your own experience?
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Can you listen without comment until you are sure your experience will be helpful to them? Can you keep from talking about your own trauma instead of listening? Hearing about your trauma could make them feel worse. Instead, can you focus on the road to recovery instead of details of other violent events?
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Can you be careful about making hurtful comments such as “Good will eventually come out of this,” or “This is God’s plan”? They may eventually have similar beliefs but rarely in the early stages of recovery.
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Are you clear on boundaries about what you can realistically give? Do not make promises you can’t keep, such as “I will be here for you day and night.”
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Can you respect the confidentiality, privacy and wishes of the survivor?
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Show up at vigils for victims
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Assist at commemoration events
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Assist at a resilience center with administrative tasks
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Write notes to survivors
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Speak at educational events about Mass Violence
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Write letters to the editor
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Participate in advocacy efforts
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Have one on one conversations with survivors
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Facilitate a support group, wellness or social activity for survivors
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Create a piece of art, theatre, poem or song to inspire others
Training programs are available though not necessarily required to volunteer. Most volunteers find them quite helpful in developing listening and self-care skills.
What groups already offer peer support and how can I affiliate with them as a volunteer?
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Stars of Hope
Stars with a message of comfort or hope are sent to victims and silently posted in public places to let people know there is still good in the world and to give a tangible reminder that can stay with them throughout recovery. Volunteers come together to handwrite messages to be ready to be sent out. -
Rebels Project
“Fostering connection is key to building resilience.” “A community of long-term support and services throughout the journey of recovery long after all the news cameras disappear”
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Tuesday’s Children
Support groups for people affected by mass violence
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Other state and local groups may exist. Check with your local or state Victims Comp office